when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
