First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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