Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
