why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
