I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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