this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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