My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
