I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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