i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
