Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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