I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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