There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
