I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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