I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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