I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
