I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
