can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
