Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
