We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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