i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
