I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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