When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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