You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I party with great urgency now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
