take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
