Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
