I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
