It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
