I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
