how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
