Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
