Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
