in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
