I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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