FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
