If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need water and some morals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
