i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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