Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
