can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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