I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
