Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
