Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
