isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
