I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
