she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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