this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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