ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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