Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
