I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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