u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
