then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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