Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
