sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
