Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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