I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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