i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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