i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
