Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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