A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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