How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
