The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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