just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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