hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I take back everything I said about communal showers
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
