47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
