i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
