i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
