A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
