Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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