I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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