Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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