weddingsv make me drug and hornr
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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