Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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