Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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