yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
