Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
